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Catholic church to combat ‘sexual predator’ choirboys with burqas

The Vatican has announced today that to tackle the problem of Catholic priests being given the come-on by pre-pubescent choirboys in revealing robes, choristers will now be required to wear the more...

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Catholic church denies existence of normal priests

The Roman Catholic church has strongly denied that there could be hundreds of hard-working priests in parishes across the UK showing no inclination towards paedophilia. This follows an investigation by...

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Catholic church split over ordination of women paedophiles

The Catholic church is facing the most significant threat to its unity in generations as progressives call on the Vatican to advance the cause of gender equality and allow women paedophiles to be...

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Catholic Church implodes arguing where it stands on gay divorce

Vatican officials have called an urgent council to try and settle the Catholic’s official stance on gay divorce. Since new legislation allowed gay couples to enter civil partnerships, thousands of same...

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God arrested as accessory to child abuse by priests

Police today arrested God for failing to inform the authorities about crimes committed by several priests after He heard confessions from the perpetrators as they sought forgiveness in their prayers....

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Unholy row as Benedict returns to reclaim the papacy in time for Easter

Pope Benedict strode into St Peter’s Square yesterday, fully refreshed after his Lenten sabbatical and announced that he was ready to take the reins of the papacy once more. With a fresh ear piercing,...

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